Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.1

Nanay: Ang lakas mo kumain pero di ka mautusan. Ang kapal mo!
Anak: Kapag yung baboy natin malakas kumain, natutuwa ka. Sino ba talaga ang anak mo, ako o ung baboy? Umayos ka nay! Wag ganun!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.2

BF : May ibibigay akong gift sa iyo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman…
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi… PANGHILOD! SMILE!!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.3

AMO: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay.
(nilabas ni Inday)
INDAY: off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such
unabashed display of vagrant destitution!
PULUBI: oh! I’m so ashamed! Such a mansion of social climbing freaks!
(nakakuha na ng katapat si Inday!)
NOSEBLEED!!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.4

DOC: umubo ka!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: ubo pa!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: okay.
PEDRO: ano po ba sakit ko doc?
DOC: may ubo ka.

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.5

MEKANIKO: sir, hindi ko po naayos preno ng kotse niyo.
CUSTOMER: ha?! Pano yan?
MEKANIKO: nilakasan ko na lang po ang inyong busina! Happy trip na lang po!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.6

Kung nag GAY LANGUAGE sana sila GMA at GARCI eh di walang SCAM!
GMA: hallow gracia!
GARCI: uy mother ever! Na chenilyn de kimberlyn ko na po yung mga chuva ek ek.
GMA: bonggacious! Eh yung mga chenes chenes, carry na ba?
GARCI: flatshoes! Winnie santos mama, wiz na wori eclavou na ever! Na chorva na!
GMA: ang tarushki! Maldita ka talaga vruha ka! Eh di windra na naman watashi?!
GARCI: anufi ate.
GMA: oshah ba.

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.7

Divorced father: anak pag-uwi mo bigay mo sa nanay mo itong cheke at sabihin mo 18 yrs old ka na, huling cheke na makukuha niya for child support tapos tignan mo kung ano ang expression ng face niya.
Anak: mom, sabi ni dad bigay ko daw sayo itong cheke, last support na niya ito sakin kasi 18 na ako. Pagkatapos tignan ko daw expression ng face mo.
Mom: sa susunod na pagbisita mo sa kanya paki sabi salamat sa suporta kahit di mo siya tatay! Pagkatapos tignan mo expression ng face niya!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.8

BOY1: nakakakawa naman lola mo.
BOY2: bakit?
BOY1: nakasabay ko kasi magsimba nung isang araw, ubo ng ubo.
Pinagtitinginan nga ng tao.
BOY2: papansin lang yun!
BOY1: bakit?
BOY2: bago kasi blouse niya!

Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 4.1

dis msg is strictly 4 cute
& charming person only.. since u
accidntaly recivd dis msg
i deeply apologise 4 da disturbanc

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 4.2

American guy named Paul challenged a filipino.

american: use my name 4 tyms n a sentence.

Pedro: PAUL , b carePAUL, u myt PAUL n da
swmmng PAUL..ahaha

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 4.3

SA BAKERY
Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.
Ale: Aba , sosyal ka ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake.. eto pandesal!
Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! Bday ko kaya today?!?

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 4.4

ANAK: Tay mag-ingat kayo sa DANKTRAK!.
TATAY: ano ung danktrak?
ANAK: Yunn pong trak na 10 ang gulong na karga buhangin?
TATAY: Tanga inde danktrak un…TEN MILLER!!!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 4.5

Honeymoon…
BRIDE: Kinakabahan ako. Baka di ko makaya.. Parang natatakot ako.
GROOM- Kaya mo ito. Di ba dati may alaga kang ahas?
BRIDE- Oo nga, pero takot talaga ako sa UOD!!

Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 3.1

tru bravery is to arrive home..

fully drunk..

a later night out..

& mom waiting with a broom in hand
then u asked, “hey mom, still cleaning?

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 3.2

just wanna be an angel..

flying around u

riskin all dat i have just
to kiss u..

even if it cost my life..

-lamok

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 3.3

if u reli luv me, i dare u 2 hug me
so tyt 2 mek me realize dat 8s true.

-cactus..

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 3.4

i tried my best w8 4 u.

i’ve shouted too loud, stil, u didn’t even rspond
2 my call,
now u want me 2 go back?

-magtataho ngdadrama

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 3.5

evrytym i feel dat nobody understands me,

it helps a lil to think of u..

cause i know.. nobody

understand u either..

Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 2.1

wat is “shock?”

shock is wen a guy is having sex 2 his
pregnant wife wen suddenly, little hands grab
his penis and said..”daddy! huyi ka!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 2.2

“You cannot taste me..
Unless you take of my dress”

-banana

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 2.3

chinese says:

if u want 2 b lucky,

learn “FUNSOY”
if u want 2 b rich, play “PUSOY”

if u want 2 b healthy,

eat “CHOPSUY”
if u want 2 b hapi, “TXTMOKOHOY”..

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 2.4

do you know how your day will become beautiful?

it is wen you start your day..

thinking of me first…lolz!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 2.5

why are condoms transparent?

So dat d sperms cud at least enjoy d scenery
of their supposedly promised land..

poor little creatures!

Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 1.1

It’s reli sad dat in dis world, pipol wud rather
see 2 men holdin guns, killing each othr..
Dan to see 2 men holdin hands
lovin one another,

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 1.2

“If you don’t want to see me smoking..

Then you should better find a ways to make my lips busy!”

hehe..

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 1.3

I was planning to kill the most
byutiful, & charming girl on earth

Den i realized shud i kill myslf?

Wat a big sin to do ds thing!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 1.4

wat s similarity between panty & sky?

sky covers d whole population..

& Panty Covers d source of population!

haha..

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 1.5

a lady n a bar walks 2 d barman * puts her
finger in2 barman’s mouth.

Barman: lustly kises & lick each finger.

Lady says: Tel ur manager der’s no toilet paper!

Jokes Quotes Text Messages BJQ 4

dis msg is strictly 4 cute
& charming person only.. since u
accidntaly recivd dis msg
i deeply apologise 4 da disturbance

American guy named Paul challenged a filipino.

Pedro: PAUL , b carePAUL, u myt PAUL n da
swmmng PAUL..ahaha

Jokes Quotes Text Messages

if u reli luv me, i dare u 2 hug me
so tyt 2 mek me realize dat 8s true.

-cactus..

i tried my best w8 4 u.

-magtataho ngdadrama

Jokes Quotes Text Messages

chinese says:

eat “CHOPSUY”
if u want 2 b hapi, “TXTMOKOHOY”..

just wanna be an angel..

-lamok

Jokes Quotes Text Messages

“If you don’t want to see me smoking..

hehe..

wat s similarity between panty & sky?

haha..

Last nite i had a dream abt U…
I saw that we’re both were getting married on the same day…
Ur wife was beautiful but mine is not…
I asked GOD:
Why it is so???
GOD replied:
“BALANCE OF NATURE”…!!!

The three wonders of a woman:

-bleed for a week w/out going 2 die

i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window…
I look down & den… i lauf again

It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack.
It’s also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!

At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.
5 million people r drinking coffee.
100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!
pass on

The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2.
If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?

Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life.
John came fifth he won a toaster

A girl phoned me the other day and said…”Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over.
Nobody was home

Hey can u do me a favour,
take a pic of urself n send me it,
i’m playin cards n i’m missin the joker!!

Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty…
so the world needs YOU after all!

i tried to call you from a payphone last night.
i put my doner card in by mistake,
it cost me an arm and a leg!

Hi i am dying to c u,
i want to talk to u seriously,
but I cant get 2 u,
dis stupid gatekeeper is asking me 4 a ticket to enter the zoo!

Clouds r white but the sky is blue,monkey like u should b kept in the zoo,
dont get angry ull find me there too,not in the cage but laughing at u. ha! ha! ha

A man can kiss his wife goodbye.
A flower can kiss a butterfly.
Wine can kiss a frosted glass.
But u my friend can kiss my ass!

It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack.
It’s also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!

I’ve been arrested for bein the ugliest person in Britain,
can u cum down the police station and show them it’s a mistake?

A 5-o officer stopD a motorist hu wz speeding dwn Main st.
“But officer,” dman began, “I cn Xpln.”
“Just B shh,” snapped d officer. “I’m gunA let u QLk yr heels n jail ’til d chief gets bac.”
“But, officer, I jst wtd 2 sA,” “And I z 2 kip shh! ur gunA jail!”
A few hrs l8r d officer lOkd n on hs prisoner n z, “Lucky 4U dat d chief’s @ hs daughter’s weddin… He’ll B ina gud mood wen he gets bac.”
Don’t count on it,” ansD d fellow n d cell. “I’m d groom.”

Y? cnt blondes mke ice cubes?
coz dey alw 4gt d recipe

Yo mamma so ugly wen she wz born, yr mum z, “What a booty!” n yr dad z, “Yea ltz go bury it”

What do u call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant!

w@ did d blonde’s ryt leg sA 2 d lft leg? Ø. They’ve nvr met.

DY knw h2 save a drowning lwyR? taK yr Ft off hs hed.

DdU heA bout d ldy hu gave brth 2 a blok of w%d?
dey sA she wz nailed by a carpenter!

A businessman gets on an vator alrdy busy? by a blond. She *grins* @ d guy n ina perky voiC sEz, “T.G.I.F!”.
d guy l%ks @ her n replies, “S.H.I.T.!”.
d blond’s falters a bit as she digests d man’s response. thN she *grins* her Bgst, friendliest n sEz, “T.G.I.F.!”.
agn dman responds by sAyn, “S.H.I.T.!”.
d wmn S oviusly quite ^set n asks d guy, “Don’t UNo dat T.G.I.F means Thank God Its Friday?”.
d guy sEz,”Yes I do, n S.H.I.T. means sry hon Its Thursday!”.

hw mnE economists dz it taK 2 screw ina lyt bulb? nun. f d lyt bulb realy needed changiN, mkt forces wd av alrdy cauzd it 2 hpn.

U so short u have to look up to look down.

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender asks him “did you know there is a drink named after you?” the grasshopper says “Why would you name a drink Jeff?”

What kind of bee gives milk? BooBEES!!

A girl asked me to come over the other day. She said nobody was home. I went over and sure enough, nobody was home!

Yo mamma so fat when she sits around the house she rlly sits around the house!

3 sisters. ann, jan & fanny all have big feet,
ann & jan go on a date,
1 of the boys says “jesus u have big feet
“ann replys “u should see our fannys theyre huge!
Q. Y? do women clse their Iyz durin sx?
A. dey cnt st& 2C a man av a gud tym.

A train is bout 2 crash!
A frantic virgin strips off and says can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?
So a man takes off his clothes and says iron these!

If your right leg was thanksgiving and
Your left leg was Christmas
could I meet U between the holidays?

Press down please one more time ,ok more YES ahh ohh yes just there yeah baby harder, HARDER,this feels SO GOOD!mmm yeah baby now THAT’S TEXTUAL INTERCOURSE!!

I have liked many but loved very few.yet no-one has been as sweet as u.I’d stand and wait in the worlds longest queue.just for the pleasure of a moment with u.

Sex is like a maths test..Me plus u..subtract the clothes..add the bed..divide the legs and multiply the orgasms..

Sex is good sex is class whip me baby spank my ass.doggy style 69 lick me out make me smile if u want me in the sac lick ur lips and txt me back.

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation…

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
“Do you believe in people?”

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath…

What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure…

What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A trombone…

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets…

What is a ghoul’s favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime…

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich…

Pantynago
Anak: tay tumambling ako kanina sa skul
Tatay: anak dba sabi ko sau wag kang tatambling at makikita pantie mo
Anak: weeee… tay indi nila nakita!
Tatay: ???????
Anak: kc tay tinago ko sa bag ko

local client kaya mostly pinoy and callers, usually from visayas…
Cust: hiillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin???…
CS: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?
Cust: Hende naman…
CS: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
Cust: Ang alen?
CS: .Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?
Cust: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
CS: Di ba wala pong ring?
Cust: Hende! yong BELL!.. yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!!…
CS: aahhh… yung BILL?!!!
(hende kase nagve-verefie mabote… tsk, tsk, tsk…)

Campus Humor 1
Pwera Ka
teacher: juan,give me example of puera….
juan: (tagalog version to kasi spanish yun)Lahat ng guro’t principal dito sa eskwelahang ito ay magaganda at mapopogi.
teacher: mahaba…very good juan but where is puera??
juan: puera ka!!!

Green Name
mr.marquez:bata,anong pangalan mo?
bata:sir,LUCKY T. TINIO!!!
mr.marquez:TANG INA MO GAGO KA!!!

A :*) man wz stumbling dwn d st W 1 Ft on d curb n 1 Ft n d gutter. A cop pulled ^ n z, “You r undR arrest 4 bn drunk”
dman askD, “Officer, r u sure I’m :*)?”
“Yup, I’m sure,” z d officer. “Lez go.”
breathn a sigh of relief, d :*) man z, “Thank god! I thort I wz crippled.”

Y? cnt blondes mke ice cubes?
coz dey alw 4gt d recipe