Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.1

Nanay: Ang lakas mo kumain pero di ka mautusan. Ang kapal mo!
Anak: Kapag yung baboy natin malakas kumain, natutuwa ka. Sino ba talaga ang anak mo, ako o ung baboy? Umayos ka nay! Wag ganun!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.2

BF : May ibibigay akong gift sa iyo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman…
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi… PANGHILOD! SMILE!!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.3

AMO: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay.
(nilabas ni Inday)
INDAY: off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such
unabashed display of vagrant destitution!
PULUBI: oh! I’m so ashamed! Such a mansion of social climbing freaks!
(nakakuha na ng katapat si Inday!)
NOSEBLEED!!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.4

DOC: umubo ka!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: ubo pa!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: okay.
PEDRO: ano po ba sakit ko doc?
DOC: may ubo ka.

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.5

MEKANIKO: sir, hindi ko po naayos preno ng kotse niyo.
CUSTOMER: ha?! Pano yan?
MEKANIKO: nilakasan ko na lang po ang inyong busina! Happy trip na lang po!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.6

Kung nag GAY LANGUAGE sana sila GMA at GARCI eh di walang SCAM!
GMA: hallow gracia!
GARCI: uy mother ever! Na chenilyn de kimberlyn ko na po yung mga chuva ek ek.
GMA: bonggacious! Eh yung mga chenes chenes, carry na ba?
GARCI: flatshoes! Winnie santos mama, wiz na wori eclavou na ever! Na chorva na!
GMA: ang tarushki! Maldita ka talaga vruha ka! Eh di windra na naman watashi?!
GARCI: anufi ate.
GMA: oshah ba.

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.7

Divorced father: anak pag-uwi mo bigay mo sa nanay mo itong cheke at sabihin mo 18 yrs old ka na, huling cheke na makukuha niya for child support tapos tignan mo kung ano ang expression ng face niya.
Anak: mom, sabi ni dad bigay ko daw sayo itong cheke, last support na niya ito sakin kasi 18 na ako. Pagkatapos tignan ko daw expression ng face mo.
Mom: sa susunod na pagbisita mo sa kanya paki sabi salamat sa suporta kahit di mo siya tatay! Pagkatapos tignan mo expression ng face niya!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 5.8

BOY1: nakakakawa naman lola mo.
BOY2: bakit?
BOY1: nakasabay ko kasi magsimba nung isang araw, ubo ng ubo.
Pinagtitinginan nga ng tao.
BOY2: papansin lang yun!
BOY1: bakit?
BOY2: bago kasi blouse niya!

Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 4.1

dis msg is strictly 4 cute
& charming person only.. since u
accidntaly recivd dis msg
i deeply apologise 4 da disturbanc

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 4.2

American guy named Paul challenged a filipino.

american: use my name 4 tyms n a sentence.

Pedro: PAUL , b carePAUL, u myt PAUL n da
swmmng PAUL..ahaha

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 4.3

SA BAKERY
Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.
Ale: Aba , sosyal ka ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake.. eto pandesal!
Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! Bday ko kaya today?!?

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 4.4

ANAK: Tay mag-ingat kayo sa DANKTRAK!.
TATAY: ano ung danktrak?
ANAK: Yunn pong trak na 10 ang gulong na karga buhangin?
TATAY: Tanga inde danktrak un…TEN MILLER!!!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 4.5

Honeymoon…
BRIDE: Kinakabahan ako. Baka di ko makaya.. Parang natatakot ako.
GROOM- Kaya mo ito. Di ba dati may alaga kang ahas?
BRIDE- Oo nga, pero takot talaga ako sa UOD!!

Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 3.1

tru bravery is to arrive home..

fully drunk..

a later night out..

& mom waiting with a broom in hand
then u asked, “hey mom, still cleaning?

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 3.2

just wanna be an angel..

flying around u

riskin all dat i have just
to kiss u..

even if it cost my life..

-lamok

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 3.3

if u reli luv me, i dare u 2 hug me
so tyt 2 mek me realize dat 8s true.

-cactus..

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 3.4

i tried my best w8 4 u.

i’ve shouted too loud, stil, u didn’t even rspond
2 my call,
now u want me 2 go back?

-magtataho ngdadrama

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 3.5

evrytym i feel dat nobody understands me,

it helps a lil to think of u..

cause i know.. nobody

understand u either..

Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 2.1

wat is “shock?”

shock is wen a guy is having sex 2 his
pregnant wife wen suddenly, little hands grab
his penis and said..”daddy! huyi ka!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 2.2

“You cannot taste me..
Unless you take of my dress”

-banana

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 2.3

chinese says:

if u want 2 b lucky,

learn “FUNSOY”
if u want 2 b rich, play “PUSOY”

if u want 2 b healthy,

eat “CHOPSUY”
if u want 2 b hapi, “TXTMOKOHOY”..

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 2.4

do you know how your day will become beautiful?

it is wen you start your day..

thinking of me first…lolz!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 2.5

why are condoms transparent?

So dat d sperms cud at least enjoy d scenery
of their supposedly promised land..

poor little creatures!

Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 1.1

It’s reli sad dat in dis world, pipol wud rather
see 2 men holdin guns, killing each othr..
Dan to see 2 men holdin hands
lovin one another,

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 1.2

“If you don’t want to see me smoking..

Then you should better find a ways to make my lips busy!”

hehe..

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 1.3

I was planning to kill the most
byutiful, & charming girl on earth

Den i realized shud i kill myslf?

Wat a big sin to do ds thing!

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 1.4

wat s similarity between panty & sky?

sky covers d whole population..

& Panty Covers d source of population!

haha..

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Funny Quotes Text Messages BFQ 1.5

a lady n a bar walks 2 d barman * puts her
finger in2 barman’s mouth.

Barman: lustly kises & lick each finger.

Lady says: Tel ur manager der’s no toilet paper!

i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window…
I look down & den… i lauf again

It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack.
It’s also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!

At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.
5 million people r drinking coffee.
100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!
pass on

The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2.
If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?

Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life.
John came fifth he won a toaster

A girl phoned me the other day and said…”Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over.
Nobody was home

Hey can u do me a favour,
take a pic of urself n send me it,
i’m playin cards n i’m missin the joker!!

Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty…
so the world needs YOU after all!

i tried to call you from a payphone last night.
i put my doner card in by mistake,
it cost me an arm and a leg!

Hi i am dying to c u,
i want to talk to u seriously,
but I cant get 2 u,
dis stupid gatekeeper is asking me 4 a ticket to enter the zoo!

Clouds r white but the sky is blue,monkey like u should b kept in the zoo,
dont get angry ull find me there too,not in the cage but laughing at u. ha! ha! ha

A man can kiss his wife goodbye.
A flower can kiss a butterfly.
Wine can kiss a frosted glass.
But u my friend can kiss my ass!

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation…

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
“Do you believe in people?”

What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A trombone…

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets…

What is a ghoul’s favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime…

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich…

Pantynago
Anak: tay tumambling ako kanina sa skul
Tatay: anak dba sabi ko sau wag kang tatambling at makikita pantie mo
Anak: weeee… tay indi nila nakita!
Tatay: ???????
Anak: kc tay tinago ko sa bag ko

local client kaya mostly pinoy and callers, usually from visayas…
Cust: hiillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin???…
CS: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?
Cust: Hende naman…
CS: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
Cust: Ang alen?
CS: .Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?
Cust: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
CS: Di ba wala pong ring?
Cust: Hende! yong BELL!.. yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!!…
CS: aahhh… yung BILL?!!!
(hende kase nagve-verefie mabote… tsk, tsk, tsk…)

Campus Humor 1
Pwera Ka
teacher: juan,give me example of puera….
juan: (tagalog version to kasi spanish yun)Lahat ng guro’t principal dito sa eskwelahang ito ay magaganda at mapopogi.
teacher: mahaba…very good juan but where is puera??
juan: puera ka!!!

Green Name
mr.marquez:bata,anong pangalan mo?
bata:sir,LUCKY T. TINIO!!!
mr.marquez:TANG INA MO GAGO KA!!!

Erap: Miss sosoli ko na tong video na ni hire ko
Miss: Bakit po sir?
Erap: Walang picture, walang sound, saying suspens thriller pamandin.
Miss: Wala hong problema papalitan po natin, anu hu ba ang pamagat?
Erap: Head cleaner….

Yeltsin: We are the first person in space.
Clinton: We are the first on the moon.
Erap: We will be the first to land on the sun.
USA: You can’t land on the sun, its too hot.
Erap: You know, were not stupid, we gonna go there at night.

Q: What is the sensitive part of the body when masturbating?
A: The ears.
Q: Why?
A: To hear incoming footstep.

Q: Paano mo mapapagkasyo ang 71 katao sa isang kotse at tumatakbo pa kayo ng 120 Mph.
A: Ganito yun: Iyung dalawang tao nasa likod ang nag-si-sixty nine, then plus driver and watcher.

Q: What alcoholic drink in the USA was popularized by an Ilocano?
A: Harvey Wallbanger

Q: Kung maliit na palanggana at palangganita, ano ang maliit na batya?
A: Tansan!

Friendship is like peeing in your pants.

Friendship is like peeing in your pants.
everyone can see it
but only u can feel
its true warmth.
thank u 4 being the pee in my pants.
:D

Love is a sensation….

Luv is a sensation
dat is caused by temptation.
A boy puts his location
in a girls destination.
Do u get my explanation or
do u want demonstration?!

Hide and Seek and…

GF: Taguan tayo!
BF: Sige ba! Ano premyo ko pag nahanap kita?
GF: Sex tayo.
BF: Uy wow! Eh Pa’no pag di kita nahanap?
GF: eeeeiii!!… kainis to! BASTA! Nasa likod lang ako ng drum!!!

Man-to-Man(hood)?

Son: Bukas na lang dad… Ang sakit ng pwet ko!…

Man-to-Man(hood)?

:p

Salawikain

“Kung maiksi ang kumot… ..twalya yata yan p’re!”

Give a man a fish
and you help him for a day.

Pasalowd me,
and u can make me
happy! hehehe

Love is always creative, fear always destructive.
- Emmet Fox.

Mahirap kumatok
sa pusong nasugatan na…

may “doorbell” pala.
Toinks!Hehe..

“Make cool lie”

Make cool lie
ang buhay..
Make cool lie ang buhay
sa cnbawang gulay!… :D

Friendship is like peeing in your pants.
everyone can see it
but only u can feel
its true warmth.
thank u 4 being the pee in my pants.
:D

Luv is a sensation
dat is caused by temptation.
A boy puts his location
in a girls destination.
Do u get my explanation or
do u want demonstration?!

I only have SEX
on days that begin with T:
Thanksgiving.
Tuesday.
Thursday.
Today.
Tomorrow.
Thaturday.
Thunday…
Tevery day!

Today
its cool to
have small cars
and small computers.
Soon it will be cool to have
a small penis too.
Then you my friend
will be THE MAN!!!

From the moment I saw u, I wanted to be inside u, I love ur smell, the way ur tongue feels, the way u tighten and loosen mmmmmmmmmmmmm…………. NEW SHOES!!!!!!!!!!

He came 2 me 1 nite… explored my body… licked- sucked- swallowed & had his fill… wen satisfied he left… I was hurt… DAMN MOSQUITO

T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network

I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!

Today its cool to have small cars and small computers. Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!

Viagra now available in eye drops, you don’t get an erection but you look hard!

Friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxx

He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

Di ba masakit pag inagawan ka? Di ba masakit pag niloko ka? Di ba masakit pag pinaasa ka? Pero mas masakit pag umiwas sya kahit ramdam n ramdam mo, na may chocol8 syang dala. KADAMUTAN d ba?

Two friends talking:
PEDRO: Wow, pare labo! Nuod ako sine kanina, ubos P1,000.00 ko.
JUAN: Ha? Bakit?
PEDRO: Bili ako ng bili ng ticket, pinupunit nung babae sa pinto! Adik yata?!

Never love if you’re not prepared to be hurt. Never start if you don’t have plans to finish. Never speak if you don’t mean it. Most importantly, never smile when you don’t have… teeth.

A MAN IN D RUFTOP. Pulis: wag kang tatalon…maraming nagmamahal sayo! Man:tumahimik ka! wag mo kong pakialaman di ako makasend!

wat wil hapen if u had a wooden car.. w/ wooden seats..wooden tires..and a wooden
engine? A: it wooden start! hahaha..

Wat do u do wen u see an extremely GOOD-LOOKING person? ME, I stare at dat person admiringly…And when I get tired, I JUST PUT THE MIRROR DOWN…kakangalay eh!

Ssshhh…Tiptoe ako kasi baka tulog ka na. Just want to know if you are OK! Kasi narinig ko lahat daw ng PANGET tulog na…AKO GISING PA! Ikaw? Gud evening!

Please pray for me. I just received my medical results. Ang sakit ko habang tumatanda GUMAGANDA ako. But don’t worry, di naman ito nakakahawa, pero di na ako gagaling.

Sending you my BED to let you rest, PILLOWS to give you comfort, BLANKET to keep you warm, KULAMBO to keep you away from mosquitoes. Gud nyt and sleep tyt! Bukas na ko m22log, nasa u na lahat ng gamit ko e, hehehe.

Gusto mo ba mag-artista under FPJ productions? Kasama mo cla Miko Sotto, Halina Perez, Rico Yan, Nida Blanca. Pamagat: “IKAW NA LANG HINIHINTAY.” Ano payag ka ba?

BABALA: Pinagiingat ang publiko.. Dahil pinaghahanap pa sa ngayon ng mga bumbero ang unggoy na nakawala sa Zoo. Huling nama-taang nagbabasa ng text na to…

I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

I may not be your PEPSI choice of the new generation; I may not be your COKE, only the real thing; or your NIDO, world’s no. 1 but I can be your REXONA, I won’t let you down.

If you love someone, set him free. If he doesn’t come back, he’s probably with me! Hehe

Erase Message?
Erase message!
Erase sabi e!
Erase mo na!
Ayaw mo?
Ayaw mo because the message came from me ano? Sige na nga save mo na! Hirap talaga kapag cute ang sender.

God has given Eyes: To look at U. Hands: To pray for U. Mind: To remember U. Heart : To love U. And And Legs: To kick u if u 4get me.

Promise me we are true friends I am lamp you are light I am Coke you are Sprite I am Sawan you are badal I am Normal you are Pagal I am Water you are Tanki I am Tarzan you are Monkey.

Love is possible after friendship
but
friendship is not possible after love
because
medicines work before death
later nothing can be cured….!!!